I just talked to my mother on the phone a while ago and she told me that I should not take my problems seriously and laugh at it instead. For laughter is a good exercise for my heart and weak lungs. It stimulates my heart, lungs and blood vessels. That is why there's an old saying that says, laughter is the best medicine. This sayings appears to be true until now. In time of stress, laughter is the most effective, least expensive methods to reduce stress as well. So let me share with you some of the jokes I saw while I was going thru this website. Hope this will make you laugh. Remember, he who laugh lasts. lol
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A Filipino Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart
An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes, he found four people who were equally qualified. An American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine who of them would get the job. The day came, and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know?"
Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.
"Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know." "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular clich·for speed."
He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.
Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer asked the same question. Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 preybyus ansers sir, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thing is Diarrhea." "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats...
"Oh, I can expleyn sir,." said Eleuterio. " You see sir, da ader day my tummy was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the CR, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT,'tang ina, sir, I had alreydi shit in my pants!"
Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.
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Best Divorced Letter
Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
The husband replied :
Dear Ex-Wife:
Dear Ex-Wife:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed
YOUR EX-HUSBAND, Rich As Hell and Free!
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The Real Boss
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers." she said. "That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!" She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."
Now, who do you think is the real BOSS??? :)))
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Fun Messages to Leave on your Answering Machine
"Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep."
"Hi. Now you say something."
"Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"
(From Japanese friend ) He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave sexy message, I call sooner
"This is not an answering machine -this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."
"Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."
"Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."
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